5 Ways to Kiss a Girl

5 Ways to Kiss a Girl

Girls can be very confusing, you take them out on a date you both have a great time together chatting away happily all night laughing at each others jokes and on the walk home they even let you hold their hands.Then you both stand chatting away outside her front door and as you gaze lovingly into each others eyes, you move your head a little closer to her and closer until your lips are touching her lips, then bang out of the blue "Ewwwwww what do you think your doing" and the slap on the face that follows nine out of ten times.

You walk back to your place wondering what you did wrong, what is wrong with you? Does your breath smell? I thought she liked me, and so on.

Now before you read any further I must state that I accept no responsibility for any slaps in the face you receive. Nor do I accept any legal liability five years into your marriage; to the girl you tried my techniques on, when you hit the divorce court.

I definitely accept no responsibility for any actions taken against you by the enraged boyfriend.

Ok now the disclaimer is out of the way we can get on with it five ways to kiss a girl.

5 Kisses

Make sure your breath is fresh, have a mint or use a breath spray and pucker up.

5) This technique will earn you more slaps on the face than any other, you see the girl walk right up to her throw your arms around her and plant one on her lips. (This one sometimes works without incident because the girl is so shocked that she forgets to slap you.) When she does remember to slap you though the slap hurt rating is a clear 10/10

4) Pretending that you have something in your eye technique is one of the most popular ways; she moves her head closer and you move in for the kill. (Slap rating 5/10)

3) Another pretend, you pretend that she has something on her face, get her to close her eyes and you will remove it for her, when she closes her eyes you do the dirty deed. (Slap rating 5/10)

2) The easiest way to kiss a girl is with her consent; if you are a patient person the best time to get the consent of most girls is New years day, boring, I know but if you are that desperate for a kiss it is worth the wait, even if it is just a peck on the cheek. (Slap rating 0/10)

1) This one is the one that I used most often in my younger days and surprisingly I was never slapped on the face, screamed at and none of the girls that I tried it with were ever repulsed by it, it was always taken with the sense of humour intended by the kiss, you go up to her point to your neck and ask "Do you like my new aftershave" as she reaches her face to your neck you turn your head and kiss her square on the lips. The girl always laughs when you do this. (Slap rating 0/10)

Obviously the methods above are not the perfect way to kiss a girl and you end up with a sore face more often than not, but they are fun methods and should be treated as such.

                                                                                             ji$$el